Inside Curtain Bluff: how “all-inclusive” makes life easier

When I spoke with Curtain Bluff Managing Director Rob Sherman, he cringed as he uttered the words “all-inclusive.” I think I know why. It sounds gimmicky and almost implies “discount.” Neither concept fits his resort. There are no gimmicks, just incredible, top-shelf service from a staff that’s worked the property for an average of 26 years. And, obviously, “discount” is in short supply at a property that caters to guests who tend to be affluent.

The underlying concept, however, makes life a hell of a lot easier. You pay once, when you book your stay. After that, you don’t have to think about carrying your wallet or signing for anything. I’ve found that, when I travel, most of the annoyances I encounter are during check-in, checkout and at meals (not including the flights of course, but that’s another matter entirely).

Think about it: check-in runs smoothly until you have to extract your credit card and wait for the imprint. It’s one of the longest parts of the ordeal; everything else is easy. When you depart, you have to wait for the bill to be settled and your receipt printed. Ugh … all you want to do is get on your way, but you have to wait. And, you deal with this at meals, too. You just want to leave, because you’ve finished eating. Not so fast … you have to wait for a frantic waiter to squeeze you in for the check while he scrambles among tables that have entrees coming up, drink requests and all manner of petty complaints. Even when you’re finished, you’re not.

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At Curtain Bluff, none of this happens. You’re fee for the booking covers everything else. You can eat as much or little as you want, drink yourself sloppy or have an occasional cocktail and engage in as many activities that turn you on. There are no hidden fees for lobster, sailing or top-shelf liquor. It’s all incredibly easy … and that’s what matters to Curtain Bluff. If the point is to disappear from the real world and take a vacation from thinking and worrying, the best move is to remove the aspects of travel that can force you to do both.

The decision to go all-inclusive, franky, is what makes the experience at Curtain Bluff hum along. The details that bother, bore or hinder are taken out of the equation. Even though it isn’t heavy lifting, the resort does it for you, and you can sit back and enjoy your vacation. Of course, a Curtain Bluff is a bit pricey, so this sort of convenience isn’t available to everybody. But, if you’re interested in an upscale excursion devoid of headaches, Curtain Bluff has the solution.

(Note: spa treatments are billed separately, but that’s the only exception I found.)

Disclosure: Curtain Bluff did pick up the tab for this trip. Honestly, a prolie blogger like me wouldn’t be able to cover this destination without support from the resort. That said, my opinions are my own. Worried that my experience was positive? Blame the resort staff for doing a kickass job. I could lie and say it all sucked, but that would come at the expense of my editorial integrity.

Inside Curtain Bluff: yes, there are hotdogs

I can only imagine how Curtain Bluff Managing Director Rob Sherman is going to react when he stumbles upon this story focused solely on the hotdogs served at his incredibly upscale resort. Regular readers know the drill, though. If there’s a hotdog somewhere in the world, I need to try it. Curtain Bluff’s contribution will now stand alongside those from Reykjavik, Stockholm, East Anglia and Madrid. It’s just something I have to do.

Pass the calm swimming beach [LINK:previous day] and walk over to the beachside restaurant where lunch is served. Instead of sprinting for the extensive buffet, wait a moment for a menu and order the hotdog. Just do it once, and order it in addition to something “real.”

With British cultures, the definition of “hotdog” varies. The one I had in Cambridge, England was more sausage than hotdog, but East Anglia was decidedly the latter. Since Antigua’s history was shaped by British rule, I was unsure of what to expect. The result was waiting for me when I returned to the table (having abandoned my wife to run back to our room to get my cameras), and it was a hotdog – a thick hotdog. Not as long as what I had at King’s in Bury St. Edmunds, its girth was much more impressive. You’ll have to open wide just to take a small bite.

Despite the appearance, the Curtain Bluff hotdog tasted a bit more like a sausage than a hotdog. There was a hotdog taste to it, and the color and texture were certainly dog-esque, but there was a pretty substantial sausage contribution, as well.

So, how did it taste?

Order the damned hotdog! It’s worth it. The crisp crack that comes with the cutting of your teeth into this “lesser” cuisine unleashes a rush of juicy flavor that will dominate your taste buds. Supplement the experience with ketchup and a line of Grey Poupon mustard, and you’ve got a winning dog.

The best approach to lunch, I found, is to mix your hotdog with the buffet: get a little bit of everything. Order your hotdog, then run to the buffet for a salad. Don’t go overboard, just put enough on your plate to take the edge off a bit. When your dog arrives, scarf it down like an animal – it feels nice to be subhuman in such luxurious surroundings. Then, let your civilized self return, sample the grilled chicken, and pick something up for dessert (all of which is prepared perfectly in the pastry kitchen).

Finally, lie to all your friends about having eaten something as low as a hotdog at a place like Curtain Bluff.

Disclosure: Curtain Bluff did pick up the tab for this trip. Honestly, a prolie blogger like me wouldn’t be able to cover this destination without support from the resort. And, would the resort have “bought” a story about hotdogs? Let’s be a tad realistic about that, shall we? That said, my opinions are my own. Worried that my experience was positive? Blame the resort staff for doing a kickass job. I could lie and say it all sucked, but that would come at the expense of my editorial integrity.

Inside Curtain Bluff: 72 places to call home

Curtain Bluff isn’t the only “all-inclusive” resort on Antigua – you have countless choices. What differentiates this resort from the many, though, is the collection of small touches that blend decadence and home-style comfort seamlessly. Where else would the managing director interrupt an interview with, “Hold on, I need to go make fun of somebody [obviously a guest]?” This same executive’s commitment is clear, however, when you realize the intended target is one of the property’s many repeat guests.

“Seventy percent comes from repeat stays,” says Managing Director Rob Sherman of Curtain Bluff’s occupancy. “We get children of children of children,” he continues, explaining that this tendency to come back is handed down from one generation to the next. Curtain Bluff, for some families, has become the definition of getaway, and this bit of wisdom is protected with all the zeal of an immigrant parent’s “secret recipe.”

On the property, you’ll find 72 guestrooms, ranging form single rooms to the Grace Bay suite, which includes a lavish bedroom, large living room and hot tub on the balcony. Every room has a view of the ocean, with sliding glass doors opening to the crash of waves and the salty smells of the Caribbean Sea. Frankly, I couldn’t have slept without those waves. The eerie silence that some resorts seem to treasure (a) freaks me out and (b) is at odds with the rhythms of the city that put me to bed every night. The large doors let the environment into your room, connecting you to the details that define Antigua.

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If the junior suites aren’t enough for you, amp up the experience and stay in Yo Yo Ma’s room. The world’s most amazing cellist calls Curtain Bluff home for a bit every year and can be heard working his magic from time to time outside his room.

Regardless of which room you choose, be sure to dine on your balcony or patio (depending on your floor) at least once during your stay at Curtain Bluff. The collision of waves with sand is as musical as the band that plays softly in the restaurant, and the ocean breeze naturally enhances the dining experience. For evenings when you elect to go to the restaurant, do remember that men are required to don pants and a collared shirt (oops).

The guestroom is only one part of the Curtain Bluff experience. Come back to Gadling throughout the week for other peeks inside this exclusive Antiguan resort.

Disclosure: Curtain Bluff did pick up the tab for this trip. Honestly, a prolie blogger like me wouldn’t be able to cover this destination without support from the resort. That said, my opinions are my own. Worried that my experience was positive? Blame the resort staff for doing a kickass job. I could lie and say it all sucked, but that would come at the expense of my editorial integrity.

Inside Curtain Bluff: a tale of two beaches

There are two beaches at Curtain Bluff, and it’s pretty clear that one’s for looking and the other’s for playing. The former is what you see from the guestrooms, with sometimes large waves brutalizing the shore before receding and feeding those that follow. The latter is nothing short of serene, with gentle ripples quietly lapping the sand.

The “swimming” beach begins next to the tennis courts and is bookended by the restaurant and bar. Lounge chairs and hammocks are spread across this stretch of sand, along with wooden umbrellas (technically cabanas? not sure …) providing shade from the sun and more than ample cover from the rain (I can vouch for both, having experienced both elements during my stay. Feel free to bring your chair to the waters edge, and let the Caribbean Sea lick your toes for a while. The current will not yank you to its depths.

To explore the bottom, grab some snorkeling gear and take the plunge. Poke around on the sea’s floor and see if you can find anything interesting. Certified SCUBA divers can opt to be taken out on deeper excursions, and other water sports are accommodated, from sailing to waterskiing. If you want to stay busy out on the water, Curtain Bluff is more than ready to help.

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On the other hand, you may be among the many who see the beach as a place to chill. Each lounge chair is accompanied by a little chair that you can use to knock sand off your feet before settling into its larger counterpart. Use the nearby table to hold your drink, your book or (in my case) your cigar. Take an occasional nap, or just feel the breeze.

The sense of placidity at the swimming beach is not replicated at the other beach. There are a few lounge chairs on hand, so you can sit back and enjoy the elements without having to walk far from your room. It’s convenient. But, treat the ocean itself with caution. The waves can get quite large (exacerbated, during my stay, by a storm forming at sea), and the current is very strong.

Disregarding what little common sense I have – and the boatloads of it offered by my wife – I decided to experience the “looking” beach first hand. Well, at one point, a wave crashed me in the back while the current yanked my ankles out from under me. I spun several times before crashing to the bottom of the sea. I wasn’t in a deep spot, but if you don’t spend much time in the water, this sort of turn can leave you incredibly disoriented (and with a mouth … and stomach … full of saltwater).

But, it can be a lot of fun.

I played around in the waves until I was battered and exhausted, some of them starting to crash over my head (yeah, they can get pretty big). For very strong swimmers, this is an ideal chance to screw around in the conditions your parents would never let you experience – despite your protests – as a child. There is no lifeguard or other staff on duty at this beach, so you really are venturing out at your own risk.

However you do it, definitely get into the water at Curtain Bluff. It’s warm, even when the rain is falling. Splash around, and have a great time. If you sail, waterski or dive, scratch your itch. I hadn’t been to a beach in at least a decade and had forgotten how much I enjoy it.

The guestroom is only one part of the Curtain Bluff experience. Come back to Gadling throughout the week for other peeks inside this exclusive Antiguan resort.

Disclosure: Curtain Bluff did pick up the tab for this trip. Honestly, a prolie blogger like me wouldn’t be able to cover this destination without support from the resort. That said, my opinions are my own. Worried that my experience was positive? Blame the resort staff for doing a kickass job. I could lie and say it all sucked, but that would come at the expense of my editorial integrity.

Five ways to enjoy Antigua

When you travel to an upscale resort, it’s pretty hard to leave the property. It’s not like you’re held captive, of course. I had no problem actually leaving Curtain Bluff physically, but it was hard to get motivated enough to leave. This is where the accusations of snobbery enter the picture. The elite prefer to stay within the sheltered walls of the property. For some, this is true, though the judgment is often hasty. High-end resorts are designed to make you as happy as possible. Everything is supposed to be perfect … and why would you leave perfect?

Regardless of how amazing your resort is, there is plenty to see outside the gates. Even if you take just one day of your vacation to roam this small island (Antigua occupies only 108 square miles), you’ll walk away without regret.

So, you’re outside the gates in Antigua … now what? After the jump, check out five recommendations to get you started.

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1. Nelson’s Dockyard
This national park boasts buildings several hundred years old and has a small museum chronicling the island’s maritime history. Be careful around the sick-house: once upon a time, there was only one cure for every ailment – rum.

2. Mix with the locals
Every Sunday evening, there’s a part at Shirley Heights. It’ll only cost you around $8 to get in, and the barbeque never disappoints.

3. Open an offshore bank account [Just kidding!]

3. Check out the cricket stadium
Even if Sir Vivian Richards Stadium is empty, reflect on the fact that it accommodates 20,000 people … on an island of only 85,000 (as of a year ago).

4. Hang out with Sir Allen Stanford [It turns out he’s busy right now, and probably won’t be coming back to Antigua for a very long time.]

4. Ascend Mount Obama
Right now, the highest point on Antigua is Buggy Point. In October, the mountain will still bear this distinction, but it will have a new name: Mount Obama. Antigua is an island of Obamaniacs, with cab drivers celebrating the U.S. president on their dashboards and signs scattered across the country.

5. Tempt Fate at the Devil’s Bridge
This small strip of rock was carved by a brutal ocean current. It’s slippery, and even when the waves around it look tame, you’re gambling with your life. One false move, and you could walk be carried away from Devil’s Bridge like one German tourist – with three broken ribs and two broken arms.

To learn more the other reason why Devil’s Bridge is famous, watch the video below.

Disclosure: Curtain Bluff did pick up the tab for this trip. Honestly, a prolie blogger like me wouldn’t be able to cover this destination without support from the resort. That said, my opinions are my own. Worried that my experience was positive? Blame the resort staff for doing a kickass job. I could lie and say it all sucked, but that would come at the expense of my editorial integrity.