Admiring Greenland From The Air While Freaking Out An Air Marshal

by Sean McLachlan on


Intercontinental flights are usually pretty dull. The route between London and Chicago, however, is one I always look forward to. That’s because it flies over the southern tip of Greenland. The airplane heads northwest over Ireland, then arcs across the North Atlantic, barely missing Iceland before crossing Greenland.

I always seem to be lucky with the weather and get a clear view of the jagged coastline of fjords and glacial screes. The last time I flew that route the weather was especially fine. The water below sparkles a pale sapphire, reflecting the sun so brightly that it stings my eyes. Scattered across the ocean are the white dots of ice floes. Some are surrounded by water colored an emerald green. At first I don’t know what I’m looking at until I see several white dots clustered close together, with emerald both between and surrounding them, and I realize that I’m seeing icebergs, their tips white and their submerged parts green in the sea water.

Further inland, massive glaciers glint in the sunlight. There are no roads or buildings on the land, and no boats on the water. No people anywhere.

“Are you looking at the other plane?” a voice asks behind me.

“Huh?” I reply, not too eloquently. Then I notice another plane a little above us and far off to our right. I frown at it like it’s an unwelcome intruder. I don’t want to see evidence of people here.

“Um, no, I’m looking at Greenland,” I reply with a bit more coherence.

I’m standing at the emergency exit door looking out the porthole because the grumpy guy sitting at the window seat in my row is more interested in watching an inflight movie and wants the window closed.

“Why do you need to stand here to do that?” the person standing behind me asks.

After griping about the idiocy of the guy in my row, I launch into an enthusiastic monologue about how I’ve always wanted to go to Greenland, how I’ve eagerly read explorer’s tales and Inuit folklore, that this was one of the few truly wild places left on Earth and it’s my dream to someday trek across it.

“Really.” His response comes out flat, suspicious.

I turn around and look at the person I’m talking to for the first time. Behind me stands a burly man with a buzz cut. He’s studying me closely.

This is an air marshal, I realize, and while everyone else is sleeping or watching movies I’m standing by the emergency exit.

Suddenly I see the situation from his perspective. He’s trying to decide whether I’m an eccentric nutcase or a terrorist. I prefer to have him think I’m an eccentric nutcase. I launch into an even more enthusiastic monologue about Norwegian explorer Fridtjof Nansen’s first skiing expedition across Greenland in 1888, and the Norse settlements there that served as a base for Viking exploration of North America. Then I talk about the natural history of the island. My hopes of making it to the United States as a free man rise as I watch his eyes glaze over.

“Whatever,” he says with a shrug and walks off. He hasn’t even glanced out the window.

I go back to watching the glaciers below and dreaming of my next adventure.

[Photo courtesy Wikimedia Commons]

Instead Of Passport Stamps, Let’s Collect ICTS Stickers

by Grant Martin on

There’s this nagging question that keeps coming up every time I read an interview with a travel writer or person who spends a great deal of time on the road, and frankly it’s starting to bother me: “How many countries have you been to?”

The problem with that question is, visiting a country is different for every person. Some people are there for business; some are there for pleasure. Some step out of the airport for a smoke while others stay for months or years. It’s not a balanced question, and using the number of countries visited as a blind measure of comparison is like asking a frat boy how many beers he had at a house party. Maybe it was fifty. Does that make him a better drinker?

Here’s a fun alternative, because in reality I don’t think that anything should be used as a comparison between the status of one traveler or another: let’s keep track of the ICTS stickers on the back of our passports. Not sure what I’m talking about? ICTS International is the organization that runs the second layer of security required for many passengers flying to the United States. Whose bag is that? Did you pack it? Has it been with you the entire time? Do you have any weapons? Those are the guys.

As soon as you pass their rigorous (but perhaps predictable) questions, a sticker goes on your passport and your information goes into a database that’s cross referenced with the airline prior to boarding. If you haven’t been approved, you can’t get on the plane.

ICTS is a another step — the sometimes laughably long process of making it from the ticket counter to the gate. That effort and that trudge through the swamp of international airline security should be heralded. I have not been to France; I have been through security at Charles de Gaulle. I have not been to sixty-seven countries. I have been patted down fifty-nine times, strip searched twice and chased through Heathrow on an electric cart. I have suffered, and these are my scars.

Count them up. I have 21 on a passport from 2004.

New PR Push from TSA: Checkpoint Hotties

by Pam Mandel on

This winter, you’ll find something new between the super cute kitties and inspiring nature photos that fill the calendar racks at your local bookstore. Sources say the TSA is hard at work on “Checkpoint Hotties: 12 Reasons to Opt Out in 2013,” a calendar featuring their most attractive screeners.

There’s no gender discrimination here. Two versions of the calendar will be released, one featuring men, the other featuring woman. Participants were recruited during a vigorous screening process that included a backscatter image. “We wanted to make sure that those bulges were all original equipment,” said Lorenzo Hermosilla-Schmidt, the stylist for both editions of the calendar.

A TSA PR representative (who asked not to be named) revealed the thinking behind this new project. “We’re constantly accused of invasive procedures at screening checkpoints. Since the TSA has no intention of altering the process, we thought, why not do something fun? Why not make the pat-down something to look forward to?”

The TSA was overwhelmed with internal support for the project. “I was just a part-time office temp in Odessa before I got my checkpoint screening gig at Houston International,” said one pin-up. “Now I’m Mr. November!”

“My night shift schedule is hard on my family,” said Miss July. “I’m also hoping that the additional recognition will earn me a position where every person I meet doesn’t hate me. And a day shift would help.”

Hermosilla-Schmidt says the calendar promises to be racy but not X-rated. The example he was willing to share? Mr. August. He’s wearing boots, a highly abbreviated TSA uniform, and those signature blue latex gloves. Along with the suggestive wink, there’s a caption that says, “I’m just going to use the backs of my hands, okay?”

With that kind of incentive, who wouldn’t want to opt out? The calendar is projected to be in bookstores in November, just in time for pre-Christmas sales.

The best way to fight terrorism is to ignore it

by Sean McLachlan on

Last week, the global intelligence company Stratfor finished a series about terrorism. Their final article, “Keeping Terrorism in Perspective” is especially important for travelers. The entire series is fascinating and enlightening and I recommend it highly.

In a nutshell, the analysts at Stratfor say terrorism is not going to go away and can never be entirely defeated. No government, even the most authoritarian, can keep its people and property entirely safe. Also, public and official reaction can often be more harmful than the attack itself.

To take an example from history, at the turn of the last century in Barcelona there was a wave of anarchist bombings. While most of the bombs were small and did little damage, they caused a general panic. Sidewalk urinals became popular targets. It was a public place where a man could be alone for a few moments to plant a bomb. After several explosions in urinals, the city got rid of them. The anarchists moved on to other targets and the entire male population became burdened with a major inconvenience.

A modern example of how terrorism can have an effect far beyond its ability to do damage is the case of shoe bomber Richard Reid. After Reid failed to ignite his shoe bomb on a flight, airport security responded by forcing everyone to take off their shoes. The authors of “Superfreakonomics” did some interesting math on this, “Let’s say it takes an average of one minute to remove and replace your shoes in the airport security line. In the United States alone, this procedure happens roughly 560 million times per year. . .Five hundred and sixty million minutes equals more than 1,065 years — which, divided by 77.8 years (the average U.S. life expectancy at birth), yields a total of nearly 14 person-lives. So even though Richard Reid failed to kill a single person, he levied a tax that is the time equivalent of 14 lives per year.”Terrorism is used by groups that are not powerful enough to attain their goals politically or militarily. While terrorist attacks can be deadly, they don’t pose a fatal threat to states or economies except by consent. Terrorists rely on public reaction to increase their effectiveness. Media hype, Internet rumors and finger-pointing politicians accusing their opponents of being “soft on terrorism” all act as, what Stratfor terms, “terror magnifiers.” As Stratfor says, “A target population responding to a terrorist attack with panic and hysteria allows the perpetrators to obtain a maximum return on their physical effort.”

In a very real way, a panicky public becomes the terrorists’ ally. Stratfor points to the massive economic upheaval and paranoia after 9/11 as a bad public reaction that increased the terrorists’ success. Less successful were the London bombings of 2005, which saw Londoners back on public transport and going to work the next day. This minimized the economic damage the terrorists had hoped to achieve.

So, will ignoring terror attacks make the terrorists go away? Sadly no, but it will lessen the damage they do. Of course travelers should be cautious and practice situational awareness. Beyond that they shouldn’t change their behavior at all, since that plays into the terrorists’ hands.

To use a personal example, the recent terrorist attack on tourists in Ethiopia will not stop my plans to return there this year. With the increased security in Ethiopia in the wake of the attacks, Ethiopia is probably safer than when I was there in 2011, and to change my plans would only give the terrorists what they want — undercutting the nation’s tourist economy and dividing people with fear.

Terrorist attacks are like other types of violent crime in that they can happen anywhere. I’ll be careful when I’m in Ethiopia just like I was the last two times, but no more careful than I am anywhere else. I’m more nervous walking the streets of London on a Saturday night than traveling in Ethiopia. I’ve had my life threatened in London. That’s never happened in Ethiopia.

There are already experts taking active steps to fight terrorism. Western governments have foiled numerous plots and the Navy Seals tagged Bin Laden. You can help them by chilling out and enjoy your vacation. Doing otherwise only encourages our enemies.

Photo courtesy Wikimedia Commons.

House Oversight Committee requests feedback on TSA

by Grant Martin on

Public acceptance of the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) and its somewhat dubious methodologies has always been tenuous among the American public. Some feel that the technology they use is the only way to keep American travelers safe. Others feel that their power and influence reaches too far. In either case, there’s lots to say, and for once, congress appears to be listening.

On next Monday, the 26th of March, the House Oversight Committee is convening a hearing on the TSA and their recent operations. Led by Oversight Committee Chairman Darrell Issa, the meeting plans to investigate “program challenges and failures,” no doubt including recent efforts with Advanced Imaging Technology (AIT) — or 3d scanners — and other questionable measures in place.

As part of the initiative, the committee is soliciting stories via its Facebook wall for discussion during the meeting. This is a great opportunity for those with praise or complaints about the agency to voice their opinions. Even if the comments don’t get read, the sheer volume of feedback from users should provide some insight for the group. Check out the Facebook page here and leave a message — your feedback could help shape security in this country for good.