The Amazing Race All-Stars: Episode 8 Recap

by Justin Glow on

I’d like to take this opportunity to voice my extreme displeasure with two things: Mediacom cable television, and the Motorola DVR system. Mediacom is, quite simply, the worst company I’ve ever had to deal with. They are absolute hogs when it comes to customer service, and their digital cable feed is consistently sketchy, out of service, or just unwatchable. It kills me that I have absolutely no other options when it comes to television service; I’d drop them in a second if there was an alternative. The Motorola DVR system, as issued by Mediacom and other leading cable companies, sucks. I was going to list all of the reasons, but then I remember reading fellow Weblogs Inc. blogger Ryan Block’s “Things I hate most about my Motorola DVR,” which sums up my feelings all too well. So I’ll just direct you there.

I suppose it goes without saying that Mediacom and my Motorola DVR system completely screwed up (once again) my recording of the Amazing Race, so I didn’t get to watch last night’s episode. I don’t have a recap for you. However, I figured I’d just pull together a bunch of different reviews into one location so that I at least have something. So if you didn’t get to watch the episode last night (like me) but have a working DVR and plan on watching it later: stop reading now, because spoilers be lurking inside this here post. Let’s go!

Actually, you know what? It’s sort of fun to read a recap without having seen the episode. TVSquad says, “Danny was so very wrong during the cookie challenge and then he was such a jerk to Oswald the rest of this leg!” Cookie challenge? Hmm…sounds like an eating task to me which, by the way, have been completely lame this season. Two feet of sausage? No problem! Whatever happened to the three pounds of caviar or ostrich eggs teams were required to eat? I could eat two feet of sausage in my sleep. The cookie challenge was probably something along the lines of, “eat an entire package of 100 calorie Oreos!” Come on.

Jaunted.com always has a pretty good recap. What did they have to say? In Malaysia, “Mirna recruits some neighborhood kids to push her bike, and then tells them not to do drugs.” Man, I always miss the good stuff. And by “good stuff,” I mean “Charla and Mirna making complete fools of themselves in every single country they visit.”

It looks like Uchenna and Joyce made a poor choice by booking a flight that left only one hour for a connection in Germany. They missed the connection, which put them a day behind all of the other teams and got them booted off the race. Rats, there goes my winning pick once again. Who should I root for next? Whoever it is better watch out; they’re going to have the wrath of Justin rooting them on, almost guaranteeing a loss. I think I’ll go with the blondes, Dustin and Kandice. Watch out girls!

Join me next week (hopefully) for another recap of the Amazing Race: All-Stars!

The Amazing Race All-Stars, Episode 7 Recap, (Or, I Turned Amazing Race Into A Drinking Game)

by Willy Volk on

Since Justin and I have been so distracted during the previous 6 episodes of the Amazing Race All-Stars when Charla and Mirna speak to people in that weird “can-you-understand-me-now?”-accent, I thought tonight’s special 2-hour episode would be a fine time to have fun. Tonight, I’m turning the Amazing Race into a drinking game: every time Charla or Mirna talk in a funny accent, I’m going to swig my beer. Let’s see how this goes. I hope I make it through the show.

And we’re off! This week, the teams begin in Zanzibar, at the Old Fort. (Keep reading if you don’t mind seeing spoilers…)

Charla and Mirna — who’ve already been forecasted as the winners of the whole she-bang! — kick it off at 4:20 in the morning. [Drink.] No… they don’t speak in that accent, but I treat myself and have a drink. You know, to get the ball rolling.

Teams must head to Warsaw, Poland and find Czapski Palace. Four of the teams scurry to two local travel agencies to get tickets. Charla and Mirna keep leaning over the counter (“I don’t want you to share.” [Drink.]) to try to snake earlier flights, however Dustin and Kandice (“We give you commission.” [Drink.]) manage to get the last seats on the flight (“How is she booked? [Drink.]).

Inexplicably, the other teams wait 7 long hours trying to book tickets. (Maybe I was typing or something, but I don’t have any idea how this could happen: 7 hours to book tickets!? I’d be ready to gouge out my eyeballs.) In any event, when Eric and Danielle arrive at the agency to get their tickets, they learn this horrifying fact and bicker violently about whether they should stay or leave. They choose to leave, hoping to find tickets at another agency. They don’t find tickets, so they head to the airport, where they meet Joe and Bill, the last team to leave the Pit Stop. They all get tickets, with a transfer in Nairobi.

In Nairobi, though, the two teams miss their transfer. Though the foursome argue with the airline staff to let them aboard the plane that’s puling away from the gate, the staff refuses, and both teams are very annoyed. They all go to a hotel and agree to meet in the morning.

Meanwhile, Uchenna and Joyce miss their transfer in Frankfurt.

In Poland, Dustin and Kandice are in first place, but Charla and Mirna (“You like Polish hot dogs? You like Polish sausage?” [Drink…drink…] Classy, ladies. Classy.) and Danny and Oswald are close behind.

Teams arrive at their first Detour, Perfect Pitch or Perfect Angle. In Perfect Pitch, teams must tune one key on a piano. In Perfect Angle, teams have to locate a mannequin in a store, carry it down the street, and use an X-Ray machine to find a clue inside it. Dustin and Kandice ace Perfect Pitch and learn they need to go to the statue of King Jan III Sobieski Lazienki and then search the grounds for Phil and a mustachioed man who speaks slowly and with a deep accent. They arrive on the mat first.

Charla and Mirna (“Can you tell me how to get to Czapski Palace?” [Drink.]) can’t get any Poles to speak to them. Finally, they get help from a concierge. When they read the clue, they call it “Perfect Angel” [Meh, why not?… Drink.]. During the Detour, Danny and Oswald break two strings, which slows them down, but they still beat Charla and Mirna who can’t do it and leave to do Perfect Angle. They ask locals (“Can you help me find Panoramik?” [Drink.] ), as they hunt out the destination on their clue card. Finally, they get to Panoramik, grab the mannequin, and head to the X-Ray machine.

Oswald and Danny arrive at the mat. Uchenna and Joyce manage to catch their flight, come to Warsaw, do Perfect Pitch, ace it, and arrive third. They can’t believe it, but it’s for real!

Finally, Charla and Mirna (“We take one more X-Ray.” [Drink.] They even speak like that to each other! This IS an amazing race!) find their clue, and head to the mat, arriving in fourth place.

(Meanwhile, Eric and Danielle and and Joe and Bill still haven’t finished the previous leg when Dustin and Kandice begin the next leg of the journey, traveling to Auschwitz-Birkenau.)

Finally arriving in Poland, E&D choose Perfect Pitch, while J&B choose Perfect Angle. This is critical, folks.

(D&O leave on Leg 2.)

Eric breaks a string, but they squeak ahead of J&B. Both teams race to the mat. E&D arrive first. Is this the end for J&B?

***Sorry. I have to take a break. It’s between Episode 1 and 2 now. Anyway, it’s time to grab a new beer…***

No! It’s a non-elimination leg, which means they’re “marked for elimination”: J&B must arrive first, or they’ll incur a 30-minute penalty and could get kicked off the race.

U&J, D&K, and D&O leave on the first bus to Auschwitz. E&D are waiting for the next bus and arguing like kids. “Don’t worry,” Eric says, “We won’t last much longer.” Yikes. Guess this Race isn’t bringing them closer together.

J&B claim that to win the race, they need to out-think E&D. Then, while asking police where the cluebox might be, they stand right next to it. Guys, it’s right behind you. Right there! That not exactly out-think-er-y, guys.

In Auschwitz, the teams arrive at night (very eerie!), learn about the Camp, and light a candle and place it on the train tracks outside the camp. Very sad. Everyone seems to recognize the weight of the place.

Next, teams must travel to Krakow’s beautiful Juliusz Slowacki Theatre. At the Theatre, the teams find an Intersection, which means teams must pair up and work together. U&J and D&O decide to do the Fast Forward — which involves counting the steps in two separate towers, the Town Hall Tower and the tower in St. Mary’s Church. Meanwhile, this forces D&K to wait for the other bus to arrive from Auschwitz, so they can join one of the teams and perform the task.

U&J and D&O answer correctly — 348 steps — and go directly to the next pit stop, Pieskowa Skala Castle. (That was tough to spell, especially with the beer.) They all arri
ve at the mat in First Place, but only one team can win the prize. D&O give it to U&J. That was nice, especially since it’s a trip to the Caribbean.

The remaining teams hit Auschwitz, and then speed to the Theatre (“It’s so foggy…” [Drink.]). When the teams arrive, D&K team up with C&M for the Detour. The Fast Forward is taken, so teams must perform the Detour, Eat It Up or Roll It Up. In Eat It Up, teams must make 8 feet of Kielbasa sausage and then each of the 4 racers must eat 2 feet of it. In Roll It Up, the teams must roll out 20 bagels and deliver them. D&K and C&M choose Eat It Up, which results in all kinds of girlish giggling as they have to squeeze out sausage links that closely resemble you-know-what. Making the sausages is easy, but as they’re eating, the teams get really full. In fact, as she finishes, Dustin pukes. Since Charla can’t seem to finish her plate, she makes herself puke to finish. The foursome composed of E&D and J&B finish — no puking required. I don’t know why nobody chose Roll It Out. Make 20 bagels? Sounds easy.

Teams must now drive to Pieskowa Scala. (“Mr. Taxi Cab, come. Which one is the brake?” [Drink.]) The teams rush around and try find where the Castle is. (“Go. I follow!” [Drink.]) C&M try to ask some cabbies how to get to the Castle, but the cabbies won’t help without money (“Fifty dollars!” [Drink.]) which makes Mirna burst into tears and shriek and cry and shriek and treat the cabbies horribly. (“It is 2 in the morning!!! [Drink.] Note: I just finished my second bottle. C&M are yelling at each other — “Just hold the clue, Charla!” — as I get my next bottle.

At the Castle, there’s a Roadblock, Knight in Armor, during which teams must lead a horse along a path while wearing armor. Team members who participate: Dustin, Charla, Eric, and Bill, and — Wow! Charla just planted her face in the dirt!!! — and — She did it again!!! — but they (C&M) still make it to the mat in fourth place, right behind D&K.

J&B arrive fifth, but since they were marked for elimination, they have to wait 30 minutes. E&D swoop in only one minute later, meaning Joe and Bill are eliminated. It’s always sad to see a team go, but it was time for them: they were having problems keeping up. Nevertheless, a toast! To Joe and Bill!

Personally, I’m happy Dustin and Kandice are in the lead, as I called them as winners early on. I don’t like them simply because they’re beauty queens. I like them for far more substantial reasons than that: Kandice graduated from my high school (9 years after I did).

So how was Amazing Race as a drinking game? In my version, I was forced to drink 15 times. Sometimes, I swigged (swug?) one drink right after the other. At other times, there were long gaps between swigs. In any event, it made it fun. Try it yourself next week!

The Amazing Race All-Stars: Episode 6 Recap

by Justin Glow on

Beware! This Amazing Race episode 6 recap contains spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the latest episode and don’t want any of the juicy details before you watch, stop reading! For the rest of you, let’s go…

Last week we left the racers in Mozambique, and picked up this week with each team learning they will now fly to Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania, Africa. It turns out this isn’t as easy as it sounds, as the flights out of Mozambique are entirely full, and after a long night of waiting in the airport (minus Charla & Mirna and Dustin & Kandice who head back to a hotel) they find that the direct flight to Dar Es Salaam is entirely full and there is no stand-by available.Charla & Mirna take a big risk by leaving on an earlier flight to Johannesburg in hopes of catching a connecting flight on to Dar Es Salaam. Luckily for them, they secure a stand-by slot on a connecting flight and this puts them in Dar Es Salaam way ahead of the pack early on.

The rest of the teams are still in Mozambique, waiting for the L.A.M. ticket counter to open up to see what their options are to leaving the country. Eric & Daniel, Uchenna & Joyce, Oswald & Danny, and Dustin & Kandice find an open office and secure tickets to Johannesburg and stand-by slots onto Dar Es Salaam, leaving Teri & Ian and Joe & Bill still stranded in Mozambique.

After arriving in Johannesburg, the crew who found the open ticket office in Mozambique learned that their extra effort paid off — they’d be allowed on the stand-by-only flight, leaving Joe & Bill and Teri & Ian once again stuck, only this time in Johannesburg. The teams boarded the flight, and at the last minute Eric & Daniel learn they’ve been given someone else’s tickets, and will have to leave the plane and join Teri & Ian and Joe & Bill still in search of a way to get to Dar Es Salaam.

Meanwhile Charla & Mirna are prancing right along, landing in Dar Es Salaam and (after a bad weather delay) catching a dhow to the double island of Zanzibar with Oswald & Danny. I was eating dinner while watching this episode, and after seeing Charla yack off the side of the boat, I was done. For some reason it really, really bothered me. Those sounds she was making!

Anyway, when the first two teams arrive in Zanzibar, they have a detour: Solve It or Schlep It. In Solve It, the teams had to put together a 62-piece fish puzzle, which actually looks a bit difficult regardless of how it sounds. In Schlep it, teams have to carry two large logs on a wheel barrow. Both teams in the front choose Solve It.

Once thing I’d like to mention, and hopefully get some insight on, is the geographically-ambiguous accent Charla & Mirna speak to locals with. This really bothers me — it seems as if they believe they’re speaking to children, when in actuality they’re speaking to adults who, for the most part, speak more proper and clear than they do. I’m not sure what it is that causes them to dip down into this weird accent — perhaps the need to feel understood and the fact they’re in a race, and thus rushed. It makes them look quite ignorant, however.

Anyway, back to the race. Both teams are way, way in the lead — probably the biggest lead in any Amazing Race I’ve seen — and they finish the puzzle without much difficulty. Oswald & Danny actually finish first, but they stop along the way to the next challenge to buy some fruit. I don’t really blame them; If I were on the Amazing Race, my partner would be pretty pissed off as I’d probably be doing this exact thing constantly. I hate feeling rushed, and if there’s some fruit I want to buy, by golly I’m going to buy it! This allows Charla & Mirna to make it to the next roadblock first, however. One team member must toss a Rangu at a clay mask to reveal their next clue. Mirna steps up to the plate, failing at first but finally striking the mask and heading to the pit-stop, where they secure their second 1st place win in a row — followed by Oswald & Danny, who probably would have been first if it weren’t for the fruit incident.

This recap is getting quite long, and the other teams are so far behind I don’t even feel like going back and giving you any details. The only thing that sticks out of my mind is Uchenna’s conversation with the Blondes on the boat about slavery. Something about “you girls are next,” followed by the requisite Amazing Race sound effect and slow motion lead-out. I’m not quite sure about that one. Oh, and when Eric & Daniel are at the Rangu roadblock, Eric — like always — is a complete jackass to Daniel. Poor girl.

The other teams make their way through the detours and roadblocks and onto the pit-stop without much issue, but Joe & Bill and Teri & Ian are waaaaaaaaaay behind — I’m talking 12+ hours. By the time Teri & Ian arrive at the pit stop to learn they have been eliminated, it’s the next day. And you can tell because Phil looks ultra tired, yet he still hams it up for the camera.

What will this mean for Joe & Bill, who haven’t been eliminated but will have to start the next leg of the race a half a day later than everyone else? We shall see next week!

The Amazing Race All-Stars: Episode 5 Recap

by Justin Glow on

As always, if you don’t want to hear any spoilers, please leave the room now. Otherwise, let’s go! Last week we left off in Argentina, where Rob and Amber went from first place to last and were eliminated from the race. This week holds some more surprises….let’s find out what happened.

Since Oswald & Danny were the first to arrive last week, they’re the first to receive the next clue: grab a taxi and head to the base of the Martial Mountain chain where they’ll hop on a ski left and travel 1100 meters to the Martial Glacier. Each team is given an avalanche beacon which will be used to locate the next clue buried under snow and ice on the glacier. I’m not certain here, but it appeared that all of the buried clues responded to all beacons, instead of each individual team having their own clue to seek out. This proved to make the challenge more difficult, sending teams in circles as they followed the distance read-out on the beacon which is responding to 7 different clues at the same time.

Joe & Bill were the first to find a buried clue, which revealed they would finally be leaving South America for Maputo — the bustling capital and port city of Mozambique, Africa. The teams are also instructed that they must book their flights through a travel agent, as they’re the only ones authorized to handle international flights. As the teams finish the avalanche beacon challenge, they head back into Ushuaia to find a travel agent. The Race organizers gave the teams tickets to leave at 3:00 PM, telling them to search out earlier flights if they choose to do so. This is probably due to odd flying schedules out of Ushuaia, which could have left teams stuck for days if they happened to not get the 3:00 flight.

After flying over 7,000 miles, the teams land in Mozambique and are instructed to take a taxi to the Apopo Training Field for their next clue. On the way, Eric & Danielle mess with Joe & Bill, telling their driver to pass them up. After arriving, J&B confront E&D, telling them to watch their speed. This is confusing, because each team has a driver and is not actually in control of the car. Even so, J&B take it personally and flip out in classic style. It’s here that I realize Bill bares a striking resemblance to Growing Pains star Alan Thicke. Seriously, they look just alike!

Anyway, the teams bicker about something, and then move on to the next detour. One team member must assist a gigantic, mine-sniffing rat around a field where clues are buried under the ground. When the rat finds a clue (which smells like a mine, I guess?) it will begin to dig. Teams then call over a man with a metal detector and shovel to finish the job. I’m not sure why everyone is freaking out about the rats. I think they’re kind of cute.

Once teams find their clue (and I’ll spare you the details — they all do), they are instructed to find Praca dos Trabalhadores, a building designed by French architect, Gustave Eiffel. He’s done some other monument in France… a tower, though I can’t remember the name. You wouldn’t know it anyway.

After finding the building and subsequent clue box sitting outside, teams learn the next Road Block: Pamper or Porter. In Pamper, teams must harass local market-goers into letting them paint their nails. The team must earn 30 Mozambican meticals doing this, or about $1 USD. In Porter, teams must load 10 bags with 45 pounds of coal, and carry one bag to a house down the street. The teams that choose Pamper make it through the Road Block much quicker, though with much less dignity. Charla & Mirna choose Pamper, and end up shouting at the locals in every language imaginable — French, English, Spanish, Italian — hoping they will respond to at least one. I originally made fun of them for using Spanish while getting directions to the market, but I later learned that Portuguese is Mozambique’s official language, so it kind of makes sense. Sorry girls — I still despise you, but sorry.

Charla & Mirna breeze through the Road Block — who wouldn’t want to have their nails painted by a little person? — and are the first to arrive at the next pit stop located in the oldest building in Maputo: Fortaleza. Dustin & Kandice and Teri & Ian — also painting nails — are the next to arrive, with Oswald & Danny following behind. O&D, who chose to shovel coal, arrive completely covered in soot, and chase Phil around the Fortaleza grounds trying to give him a hug. I’m not sure what he was so afraid of — getting dirty, or getting a hug from O&D? Regardless, Phil prances around the grounds like a gazelle, which always makes for good TV. I always enjoy the pit stop antics of Phil — the dirty German, the Australian whip. Good stuff.

Joe & Bill and Eric & Danielle both arrive on the mat at virtually the same time, E&D arriving a few seconds later, thinking they’re last. Eric, as usual, performs his “worst boyfriend ever” duties by lashing out on Danielle for letting the two “weirdos” beat them to the mat. Luckily for them Uchenna & Joyce had yet to arrive, leaving E&D in 6th place and U&J in last.

Man, I’m 0-2 here. Up until last week, I was rooting for Rob & Amber. When they got the boot, I switched to Uchenna & Joyce, and now they arrive last. It’s the curse of Justin. Fortunately for them, it was a………wait for it……non-elimination round, so they will have to arrive first on the next leg or receive a 30 minute penalty.

Catch us next Monday for another recap of the Amazing Race: All-Stars!

The Amazing Race: All-Stars — Episode 4 Recap

by Justin Glow on

We’re back again with another Amazing Race: All-Stars episode recap and, just like last week, this one’s a doozy. Like always, if spoilers are not your thing, and you haven’t seen last night’s episode, stop reading now! For those that dare, follow me…

Fresh off of three consecutive first-place wins, Ramber were first to leave the pit-stop and fly over 800 miles to Punta Arenas, Chile — will the teams ever leave Chile? Who knows! — landing at Carlos Ibanez Del Campo International Airport. It is here that the teams will search out Lord Lonsdale’s Shipwreck, the location of their next clue. Rob and Amber, along with Uchenna & Joyce, Dustin & Kandice, Oswald & Danny, and Eric & Danielle, board the early flight bound for the End of the World, Punta Arenas. Teri and Ian squeeze their way onto the flight, but Charla & Mirna and Joe & Bill don’t make it in time, and are forced to take a later flight.

Once the teams land and make their way to the shipwreck, they find their next clue, a detour: Navigate It or Sign It. In Navigate It, teams were required to follow a map and use a compass to locate a building. Really. In Sign It, teams had to carry a huge load of crap up a bunch of stairs, paint locations on signs and put them in the correct order of Magellan’s journey. For some bizarre reason, Rob & Amber and Uchenna & Joyce choose the latter, and pay for it. Rob — who is apparently a history buff — knew the proper order of the journey, but failed to copy down the correct spelling of the Philippines (Phillipeans?) which botched the entire detour. Once Uchenna & Joyce correctly solved the sign puzzle, Ramber and the now sign-detouring Dustin & Kandice decide to switch to Navigate It. At this point, all the other teams who chose the painfully easy Navigate It have moved on to the next clue: head back to the airport and sign up for a chartered flight to Ushuaia, Argentina — a popular jumping off port for heading to Antarctica.

Okay wait, I’m lost. Where are we now? Is it just me, or does the Amazing Race have a new editor — one that isn’t as skilled at making sure the viewer knows exactly where each team is at all times? I’m constantly forgetting about teams throughout the course of an episode, and every time Teri & Ian show up on-screen I think, wait, who are these people? Are they on the Race?

Right, we’re back at the airport, waiting for teams to either Navigate it or Sign It. Eric & Danielle wisely chose Navigate It and are first to sign up for the charter flight to Ushuaia. Oswald & Danny and Teri & Ian (who?) are close behind. As the three pack-leaders hang out at the airport, Charla & Mirna and Joe & Bill arrive for the detour. Charla & Mirna — out to make exciting television, no doubt — choose Sign It and immediately run into trouble just getting all the supplies necessary to create the sign up the stairs. Wisely, Joe & Bill choose to navigate to quickly pass up Ramber and Dustin & Kandice — making it back to the airport before both. Charla & Mirna switch back to Navigate it — please, let this detour end already! — and finally finish. I’m sure I left some stuff out there, but seriously… why am I finding this season so confusing?

Landing in Ushuaia, Teri & Ian run around like headless chickens looking for the clue box, while O&D and E&D find it and hail a taxi to Bahia La Pataia, where they take a boat to the post office on the southernmost point in South America, Isla Redonda. At the post office, one team member must sort through a bag of mail and find a letter addressed to them from a previous Amazing Race team. This Road Block sounds a bit boring, but I think it’s necessary to have tasks that don’t necessarily require speed or agility. It allows other teams that might be challenged in that area to move ahead, and that’s exactly what happens here. O&D were the first to complete this task, and they headed to the pit stop for this leg of the race with E&D following behind. Joe & Bill are next to arrive, followed by Dustin & Kandice, leaving Uchenna & Joyce, Charla & Mirna, and Rob & Amber fighting for the last two spots of non-elimination.

Uchenna & Joyce lead the pack and hail a taxi to the boat, leaving the other two teams behind. Ramber run ahead and steal Charla & Mirna’s taxi, and hop on the boat headed for the post office. Charla & Mirna quickly hail another cab and head to the boat dock and wait their turn with the other two teams already at the post office. Uchenna and Joyce find their letter and head for the pit stop, while Rob searches frantically as Charla and Mirna arrive. This is where the less active and more mental tasks play a huge role, as anything physical would have resulted in Rob quickly finishing before Charla or Mirna. Instead, Mirna finds the letter first…leaving Rob and Amber shocked to find themselves in last place and facing elimination.

How a team like Rob & Amber can go from first place to last in a single leg seems crazy, but a collection of poor choices and bad luck proves that anything can happen. Rob & Amber go home, much to the celebration of the remaining teams. Now that the top competitors are out, the game is wide open. Even so, my money is on Uchenna & Joyce once again. The couple are quick, athletic, smart, and don’t bicker much. I see them winning the million dollar prize once again.

Catch us next Monday for another recap of the Amazing Race: All-Stars!