Gadling

The air marshals were called in to subdue a 45-year old business traveler, who was caught paying attention to the safety instructions during the 6:30am flight from New York to Los Angeles.

“Anyone who pays attention to the safety demonstration at 6:30am is clearly delusional,” said Lakeisha, Continental Airlines’ flight attendant. “Instead of nonchalantly reading The Wall Street Journal and pulling the typical I-have-heard-this-crap-so-many-times-I-don’t-have-to-pay-attention routine, this passenger was watching me the entire time, as I demonstrated how to put on the oxygen mask in an emergency. It’s OK, I have guys staring to my boobs all the time. What really made me worried was that he even turned around to locate the emergency exits. Who does that?”

She panicked and quietly notified the on-board air marshal, who then proceeded to pepper-spray and handcuff the weirdo. The plane was grounded at JFK airport for several hours after the incident.

The passenger was identified as Jim Dorky of Brooklyn, NY. He is currently held in custody at JFK with the guy who returned a the wallet he found (with $10,000 in cash) to “lost & found” last year.

If you thought Dubai wasn’t safe enough, think again. The city has announced the installation of 12, 35×40 meter, ionized chunks of iron, on the periphery of the city. These blocks will create a polarized magnetic field that will function like a shield and protect the city from possible entry of unfamiliar flying objects i.e. fighter planes, missiles, or even in event of planes not scheduled to land in Dubai — making the city 100% protected from any unexpected and possibly dangerous happening.

The normal schedule of flights will not be affected as the system will function on radar technology that will differentiate expected from unexpected entries into Dubai skies.

The resulting magnetic field will not interfere with the Earth’s natural magnetism, it will in fact complement it — the first time in the world that something man made is being created on this level to work in harmony with nature.

“Providing our residents and tourists the safest possible environment in the Middle East is of utmost priority to us,” said a Dubai government spokesperson who requested to stay anonymous. “We expect tourism to increase exponentially once these blocks are in place.”

Inspired by the teachings of Newton’s Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica (that includes the Law of Gravitation) and the Biot-Savart Law of magnetic poles, the project will cost a staggering $329 million and will be ready for installation by 2012.

[Via All Revealing Earth Genius]

In its annual ranking of the country’s top Dakotas, the North Dakota Department of Tourism recently named North Dakota the “second best Dakota” in the United States.

The state finished second only to South Dakota, which North Dakota tourism officials praised as home to “so many wonderful attractions,” including the Black Hills, Mount Rushmore, and Badlands National Park. The officials also cited South Dakota’s fantastic weather, which they said can get “downright balmy” compared to their neighbors to the north.

The North Dakota Department of Tourism did find a few drawbacks to its first place finisher. Chief among them, according to department head Mike Wheeler, is the state’s close proximity to North Dakota.

Despite the second place finish, North Dakotans have some reason for optimism. Wheeler stated that North Dakota “has made great strides” in its attractions for visitors, including the opening in June of the state’s first hotel. “Thanks to that hotel we got in, uhh, Fargo I think it is,” said Wheeler, “we actually moved North Dakota up in the rankings this year.”

Last year, the tourism department named North Dakota the “fourth best Dakota,” after South Dakota, child actress Dakota Fanning, and the 2006 Dodge Dakota pickup.

The Associated Press is reporting early this afternoon that Chris Rill, the guy with the blazer and designer t-shirt over in the corner talking to the girl in knee high socks is still a douche bag.

According to eye witness reports, the fact that Mr. Rill has “been on safari in Namibia and seen an African up close” had little effect on getting him closer to sleeping with the young woman. Additionally, his knowledge of the fact “in Russia, they eat borscht” was completely disinteresting to all parties involved.

In other party news, someone seems to have eaten all of the pigs in blankets and finished off the Grey Goose labeled “Grant’s vodka only, do not drink”

Asked about the vodka incident, Mr Rill was like “Whatever man, all vodka tastes the same after you run it through a Brita filter twelve times anyway. I saw it on Mythbusters.”

No Mr. Rill. It does not all taste the same. Stop hitting on my girlfriend.