Gadling

40-year-old Günter Smechklepants has finally discovered the legendary Map of Tasi which has eluded his dogged pursuit for more than two decades.

Smechklepants has been searching for the map since early high school when he first heard reports of its existence. “Some of my friends claim to have seen it,” he told reporters yesterday, “but I was always pretty certain they were lying.”

Since learning about the map, Smechklepants devoted most of his waking hours to tracking it down. Neighbor Gary Finderbender, had his doubts, however. “He hardly ever left the basement of his mom’s house; you can’t find the map of Tasi without venturing into the unknown.”

Ironically, it was the high-speed internet connection in his mom’s basement that led to the discovery of the map. Early last year, Finderbender began concentrating his efforts online, seeking out contacts and information which would eventually lead him to his ultimate goal.

Success came late last night when AbleBody123, an online acquaintance who claimed to be in possession of the fabled map, agreed to meet him at a local Motel 6. Unlike other prospective leads Smechklepants has pursued in the past, AbleBody123 proved to have the genuine article, which was eventually revealed after half a bottle of wine and an awkward conversation.

Success at last!

I just heard from a very reputable inside source at CBS that Charla and Mirna have indeed won the Amazing Race All-Stars.

The race apparently came down to a challenge at the San Francisco Botanical Gardens where the cousins, up against Uchenna and Joyce, compete to identify and sort a series of plants and flowers. The teams are neck-and-neck, when a bad detour choice requires Joyce to shave her head once again. She refuses, and Charla and Mirna breeze past to the finish line and win the million dollars.

Airbus, the airline manufacturer who recently brought us the world’s largest passenger jet, has stunned the world with yet another revolutionary design: the A380 ShortBus.

The ShortBus will be targeting that niche of special travelers who need just a little bit more help while flying. “While most of us find airline travel rather easy,” remarked Dieter Fluffgarten, president of Airbus, “there is most certainly a minority of those who find it an incredible challenge.”

Fluffgarten was inspired by the concept after hearing about a traveler who thought he had purchased a really cheap flight to Athens, Greece but ended up in Athens, Georgia instead. “Every day we have passengers doing incredible stupid things which endanger not only themselves, but the safety of the entire plane as well,” Fluffgarten said. “If we can capture just a small percentage of such passengers, we can expect a very profitable venture indeed.”

Analysts for Morgan Stanley agree, bumping up Airbus stock to a “Strong Buy” after recent in-flight reports of inept passengers peeing in airsickness bags, lighting matches to hide their flatulence, and touching themselves inappropriately. Now there is an alternative for such passengers, an airline that takes care of them and caters to their special needs, an airline that hands out wings to every single passenger and provides candy flavored windows to lick during the duration of the flight.

In a bizarre cross promotion with JIF peanut butter, sandal company Reef has designed a new addition to their line of high quality footwear called the PBJ. The new sandal’s sole contains a rugged reservoir built specifically to hold peanut butter, so that — aside from offering up a creamy cushion for comfort — you’re never too far from delicious lunch or afternoon snack. Just undo the easy-to-remove cover on the bottom of the shoe and grab a knife. Pretty ingenious.

Previously: Booze-holding Sandal and Stash Sandal

(Lunch on the beach image courtesy of flickr user smileykt)